Our Cleaning Fail

July 8, 2015

It always starts something like this: “I saw something on Pinterest… It seems doable…” You can hashtag that infamous last words. (We have a joke that I am going to make a cat poster that says, “Believe! Pinterest says you can!”)

Last Friday, I was scrolling through Pinterest and I came across a pin about how to clean your entire house in an hour. I giggled a bit. Our home is a little over 2300 sq feet. We have two floors, 2.5 bathrooms, and 4 bedrooms. In the almost 4 years that we have lived here, we have never had the entire house clean on the same day. Well, there was the one time that we had it professionally cleaned, but that took a professional almost 4 hours!

I should note that after our home was professionally cleaned, we were all:

I wouldn’t say our home is filthy, we definitely try to keep up with it. But between the 3 kids, the renovations, yard work, actual jobs, etc. it never seems finished. I’ve spent more than one occasion doing nothing but laundry the entire week — and we don’t even have that much clothes! Nonetheless, I kept thinking about if it were really possible to have an entire house clean in an hour.

So, I decided to test it. I took the bedrooms and bathrooms upstairs, while Michael took the kitchen and living room downstairs. We planned to divvy up what was left after that. Now, I’m sure by the title of this post, you already have an idea about how it went.

The tutorial said to allot 6 minutes per bedroom and 7 minutes per bathroom. This includes everything from stripping sheets and remaking the bed, to wiping sinks and scrubbing toilets. It also said to allot 12 minutes for the kitchen and 7 minutes for the living room. I reset my timer to 6 minutes at least 4 times while I was cleaning just our master bedroom. After that, I just stopped setting it. In total, I think it took me 2 hours to clean upstairs. 1.5 of those hours were spent on our master bedroom and bathroom. I didn’t even get to scrubbing the tubs and shower!

Now I will say, a lot of this not working out had to do with us rather than the tutorial just being wrong. There was a whole lot of this:

And trying to pin back my too-short-but-too-long hair, because it felt like I was trying to clean while wearing a beanie. After only getting a small corner of our room cleaned in 12 minutes, I decided to put on music, because…

I could not for the life of me, find a playlist that I liked, however. There would be one or two awesome songs, and then just terrible ones. So I kept stopping to change the songs, or find a new playlist when I ran out of skips. I was also attempting to tackle the mountain of laundry that appeared out of nowhere. You know the one. The one that makes you completely re-evaluate your need for clothes at all, and has you daydreaming about setting the whole thing on fire or donating it because you remember you don’t keep matches in the house — for good reason, obviously. But instead you sort and wash and dry and make a mental note to pick up matches next time you go to the store.

I’m not sure what Michael was doing downstairs (probably actually cleaning and not messing with playlists), but I know that when I came downstairs after 2 hours he was still working on the kitchen. 12 minutes, right? Psshh!

He used a stainless steel spray to clean the range hood and it left it looking like this:

cleaning fail |

I mean. C’mon! Now we have to clean the cleaning?

cleaning fail |

This was no fault of Michael’s. It was a spray we had in the cabinet, and he used it as directed. I bought the spray when I couldn’t find the wipes that we normally use to clean our stainless steel. We were both worried that the spray had ruined the finish on the range hood. I went out the next day and hunted down the wipes in hopes that they would fix the damage that the spray had done. I found them at Target. (I forgot to get matches.) Wipe on…

how to clean a range hood |

Wipe off…

how to clean a range hood |

Whew! Good as new. I also wiped the fridge and dishwasher while I was at it. It’s amazing how clean the kitchen can look just by getting the smudges off of the appliances! (That’s my quick-cleaning tip.)

So that was our comical cleaning fail. I mean an entire house spotless? In an hour?! With 3 kids, a cat, multiple DIY projects, 2 jobs, and things like grocery shopping there was never a chance. I’m still finishing the last 2 loads of laundry (although now there is more piling up in the hampers), and the basket I used to hold the clutter I took out of our room to be put away later, is still sitting in the middle of the hallway. Perhaps one day these dreams will come true, but until then, I’m going to start writing things down before I go shopping.

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